Surprise Flowers and my new Doctor

I walked into work one morning to find this adorable display of flowers sitting on my desk. I actually thought they were for the girl that sits next to me until she said.. Someone delivered flowers for you. I was so surprised, I opened the card to find out they were from my best friend Kim. She said that since she couldn't be here in FL to hug me this was the next best thing. I thought that was so sweet. I told Kim a few weeks ago I was starting to have problems again with my health and that I was really concerned and I needed to get into see a new cancer Doc asap. Last year I was having problems with my lymph nodes swelling to a concerning level. I was tested for lymphoma cancer to see if cancer spread to my lymph nodes. I was sent to an infectious disease doctor and was tested on for months like a guinea pig. I broke down and told her I REFUSED to go through this again. Along with my problems with my lymph nodes, I was gaining weight at rapid speed again, and I was losing large amounts of hair everyday in huge clumps. I have bald patches on my head, and my hair was starting to thin out again.

Last week I met my new cancer Doctor, we met in her office and we sat at her desk and talked for over an hour and she read my pathology reports from last year. She seemed a little concerned that no one has been able to find out why my lymph nodes are having problems. I also still have tumors in my throat that were found last year. She has ordered me for more tests and ultrasounds to make sure my tumors have not grown since last year. She has also completely changed my medication routine, and since I did not do the radiation treatment after my surgeries I am at higher risk for my cancer to latch on to other cells and grow in other parts of my body. The reason I did not do the radiation treatments is because since I have not had children and want children the radiation would have "fried my insides" their terms. So they have me on strict watch for followups and testing. I haven't been monitored in months because before we moved here my cancer doctor quit and moved so I had no doctor and then when we moved here I didn't have insurance to get proper testing. The next order of business is that I have to get a full body scan to make sure that no cancer has started growing anywhere else. In order to do the testing they will have to take me off my meds which will make me very ill and very tired. There are other alternatives and I can do injections on a weekly basis. The meeting with the doctor was very overwhelming and I teared up a few times because I thought things were fine and it felt like I was going through the whole cancer ordeal all over again. On top of that, all the testing gets extremely expensive, and I have to do all of this and still work. where do i find the time? (pulls hair) blah!!

I am still learning how to roll with the punches, but cancer is nothing but a big annoyance, a huge inconvenience and even after you beat it, you still have to go through hell to make sure you are ok. There is nothing simple about it. Not only do you have to go through something major in your life it still haunts you and the people that care about you. I just wish it were over with..Cancer sucks!! But I have faith that things will be okay. I just wasn't expecting to have to be under this strict watch again. I would be lying if I didn't say it didn't worry me. But along side the flowers my friend also said she was just a flight away. That is so comforting to know that someone is willing to go so far to be there for you. The flowers completely brightened up my day! Thanks Kimmie